Category Archives: Funny

Wile E. Coyote: New York Times reporter

Iowahawk is, as usual, brilliant.

Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo… now where did I put that protractor? Ahh, here it is! Let me see… if the hypotenuse the parabola of a pregnant teenager… is inversely proportional to the approval ratings of the religious Right… then if I set the azimuth of the baby scandal catapult to 72.415 degrees, she’ll be crushed as flat as her barren Alaskan tundra. Muwahahaha! 

…Egads! I must say, sometimes I astonish even myself with my own genius!

And now, to bait the hook. Simply load in this explosive charge into the cup… unghhhh… pull the lever and…   

SPROING

FLIPPFF

KROONFFFFCH

ow.

KERSPLOOOOWWWM

Wfwell, Backh to tphe oldl drawbling bloard.

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Trackposted to Mark My Words, Rosemary’s Thoughts, , third world county, Right Truth, The World According to Carl, Shadowscope, DragonLady’s World, The Pink Flamingo, Cao’s Blog, Leaning Straight Up, WingLeSS, Democrat=Socialist, and Right Voices, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

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An Archbishop of Canterbury Tale

Thee Hawke of Io-wa hath spake hyss minde.
Hee told in fair amusynge rhythmic kynde,
A tayle of a twice-daft bishoppe of Cant,
Who warpeth truthe wythe hyss peculiar slaunt.
Get thee to Iowahawke, and tarry thaire,
Partake thee of the jongleur’s comick flaire.

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Trackposted to Outside the Beltway, Rosemary’s Thoughts, third world county, The World According to Carl, Shadowscope, Stuck On Stupid, The Pink Flamingo, Leaning Straight Up, Cao’s Blog, Big Dog’s Weblog, A Newt One, Pursuing Holiness, and The Yankee Sailor, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

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Laughing Baby

This is simple fun.

Trackposted to Outside the Beltway, Perri Nelson’s Website, The Virtuous Republic, Rosemary’s Thoughts, Right Truth, The Populist, The Amboy Times, Pursuing Holiness, Nuke’s, Allie Is Wired, Woman Honor Thyself, Pirate’s Cove, The Pink Flamingo, Dumb Ox Daily News, High Desert Wanderer, Right Voices, Gone Hollywood, and The Yankee Sailor, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

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Edwards/Coulter Girlfight

ABC News via Memeorandum:

Former Sen. John Edwards on Friday fired the latest round in his ongoing verbal feud with Ann Coulter, calling her a “she-devil” at a public event before quickly adding that he shouldn’t engage in name-calling.

Don’t you love it when girls fight girls?

Lest we forget…

Also on the girlfight watch: Captain’s Quarters, Firedogbreath, and Tammy Bruce.

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Giant Lego Man-i-festo

LEGO GOG AND MAGOG: There were LegoTM brand Giants on the earth in those days. And they married with the daughters of man, and bred powerful, warlike races of Vikings and sea-rovers and Rus, and also beekeepers. I was one of many Giant LegoTM Men and Women in those days. We ruled the earth in the day of the LegoTM.

Then men were raised up from the animals, life went on and we retreated to our mountain fastnesses, and to sunken LegolantisTM where we hid and bided our time and watched to see if the sons of man would need our assistance.

Then almost a hundred years ago the crowns of Europe clashed and lost their heads or their power and the survivors fled. Europe was no longer led by her nobility, but by bureaucrats and revolutionaries. Twenty years after the darkness came again, this time even worse. Denmark was one of the few lands that stood against the dark, and after the war we left our secret places and the Giant LegoTM Men returned to Denmark. The world is on the brink of a horrendous disaster, and we the Giant LegoTM Men will support good men when they fight for civilization against the forces of chaos and ignorance. Even in the Netherlands.

Remember the Giant LegoTM Men’s battle cry, “No Real Than You Are!” and take heart.

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Drowning in a Flood of Numbskulls: Hilarity Ensues

Recently, Jack Marx at the Sydney Morning Herald has come to believe that he is drowning in a flood of numbskulls. So he unleashed one of the finest, most brutally hilarious rants it has ever been my pleasure to encounter.

All trouble starts in the Mind of Dumb. Somewhere back in the depths of Arcanum is a caveman saying to another: “Why don’t you come over tonight for dinner?” But the other caveman is as thick as Jupiter, and he hears this not as a friendly invite, but a complaint, and so he parries. The first caveman doesn’t want to fight, but he’s got to defend himself against this idiot, at which point the idiot’s friend, who’s a good deal more intelligent and knows it’s a dumb fight, must defend his mate because that’s what friends are for. So it goes from the bottom of Bedlam to the brains at the very top and, in the blink of a cosmic eye, we’ve got Hezbollah. Travel back on the great time continuum of violence and this is what you’ll find at the start: not God and the equally shrewd Satan, or the inquisitive Adam and conniving Eve, but a dickhead.

I’m of a mind to stop reacting to numskulls with a roll of the eyes and a toss of the head, their words to be simply filed and used later as amusing material at dinner parties. The time has come to smack them squarely in the face, and to tell them to get the hell out of ours. Their voices are not just benign carriages of wasted words, their lips but protection for the knuckles of the comparatively smart. These people can actually make things happen and stop good things from being done. The human race has performed magnificently in devising ways to keep the hoodlums of nature at the gate, only to be baffled by relentless inside jobs courtesy of hammerheads with less wisdom than the avalanche or the flood.

Read it all, and pass it on to Dennis Miller.

h/t: Tim Blair

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Roll Rummy!

The Birminghamster has a very clever spoof.

“It is with a great deal of pleasure that I announce that we have selected Donald Rumsfeld as our new head football coach,” university athletics director Mal Moore said. “Rummy brings a mixture of grit and experience to our program, while at the same time, a 6-year career in the Defense Department has prepared him for the step he is taking today.

The 74-year-old Rumsfeld has been a defense specialist for Washington for years, under two Presidents Bush, Reagan and Nixon.

At least I think it’s a spoof.

h/t: GM Roper

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