Me and Ayatollah Jewbaiter talking about numbers

I was talking with Ayatollah Jewbaiter the other day about stuff. You know sometimes we just sit around drinking sweet tea and chomping on falafel and shooting the breeze. You just need to watch out if he gets that glint in his eye cuz then it’s only a few seconds until he’s swinging that sword of his and you gotta run fast cuz he can really motor even in that big floppy turban and skirt of his.

I was like: Is there one God or three?

And he was like: One, of course.

And I was like: So God is always One, always singular?

And he was like: Well duh.

And I was like: Are there ever two, or three, or five, or ninety-nine of Him?

And he was like:

And I was like:

And he was like: Do you have a point?

And I was like: I have another question, dude. Are there laws of nature that make everything happen the same way every time?

And he was like: Everything that happens at every instant is a miracle allowed to happen by Allah.

And I was like: So if Allah wills it anything could happen at any time?

And he was like: Yes.

And I was like: And we can’t use a law of nature to predict what Allah will do, or what his nature is? Like we can’t say whether he wears a green or black or white turban, or that he’s an old man in the sky with a beard like in The Ten Commandments?

And he was like: Sheee-it… No.

And I was like: I heard that Averroes was a Muslim who said that there are laws of nature that govern everything in the world, and that some other guy said he was stupid or something and that that was when some gates closed…

And he was like: Yes, Ghazali closed the gates of ijtihad and afterwards all knowledge was for Allah.

And I was like: OK, so if Allah can make miracles happen at any time, can He suddenly turn me into a cheetah or a hippotamus?

And he was like: Yes.

And I was like: How about you? Could I become you? Could you turn into a cheetah by Allah’s will?

And he was like: Where is this going?

And I was like: OK, so I could become you?

And he was like: If Allah wills it, sure thing. It would be an improvement.

And I was like: So then we’d both be you. Cool!

And he was like: Lucky you! Yes.

And I was like: So are there any limits to Allah’s power? Can he make us two identical cheetahs?

And he was like: No, there are no limits to Allah’s power.

And I was like: So Allah can turn 1 of anything into 2 of anything like he makes two of you?

And he was like: Yes.

And I was like: Or three, or five, or ninety-nine?

And he was like: Yes.

And I was like: Even Himself? Can he make two or three, or five or ninety-nine of Himself?

And he was like not very happy all of a sudden.

And I was like: So are there laws that one thing must stay one that Allah must obey, or can there be three of him? One or the other has to be correct, right?

And he started looking around for his sword.

And I started running for the exit like that cheetah that Allah was gonna turn me into if Ayatollah Jewbaiter didn’t carve me up first.

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One response to “Me and Ayatollah Jewbaiter talking about numbers

  1. I had a good laugh out of it!

    =)